Yes, this is for you JS

J –

I did what you begged of me –  I removed the post. Now it is time to call off your attack dogs. They have no business tracking down my daughter, her parents, my Bishop, or any other such thing. I issued a very public and heartfelt apology. Obviously, that wasn’t enough for you, since you have not even acknowledged it and are having other people do your “dirty” work for you.

If this is how you want to play this game, I will put the post back up. While I feel badly about how I delivered the message, the comments in that section reveal something about you and your friends the entire world needs to know about. I can stand behind my words, but you didn’t want everyone to read yours or the comments left by your friends. If they can’t leave this alone, then I will put it back up. I am trying to be gracious in this matter, but leave my daughter and her family out of this. This isn’t about them.


69 thoughts on “Yes, this is for you JS

  1. This is how they work! They travel in ‘packs’ and I call them wolves. I have proof and they have tried to stop me from speaking ‘truth’ as well. However, it BACKFIRED on them.
    Here’s the post detailing ‘who’ and ‘what’ they felt they needed to do to ‘silence’ me.

    So sorry that they felt the need to attack you as well for exercising your right to ‘freedom of speech’. There was no slander, there was nothing to ‘damage’ anyone’s relationship, but only an attempt to make people aware of how their words can have affects. However, they feel the need to ‘hurt’ you, and others who have a connection to you. Is it just me, or are these people extremists? It just amazes me.

    Happy reading, and (((((HUGS)))) M. Been there, done that – you know how to reach me. 😉

    • Hyenas might be a better description, Ws.

      I have been thinking a lot about why they are doing this and it makes me wonder, why such violent protestations on their part? I know that in the early pages of the Book of Mormon there is a prime example of how telling the truth can make some so angry they want to kill their own brother. I wonder if that is what is going on here. I told the truth (not with the greatest degree of tact, I admit), and now there is a select group that are in it for the “kill.”

      If they continue, I will publicly expose them but I will at least give J. and her followers a chance to correct their ways first.

      • I have been thinking a lot about why they are doing this and it makes me wonder, why such violent protestations on their part?.

        Excellent questions. i always find such behavior interesting. If they were really so secure in their views, they would not feel threatened by others challenging them, eh? Makes you wonder what they are afraid of? What truth may come out?

      • The only saving grace in all of this is that I KNOW not every person “touched” by adoption is like this, and that there are some truly AMAZING adoptive parents and natural mothers who get it.

        In my original post, I did not attack J’s daughter or her adoptive family. I didn’t threaten to drag them in to this whole thing. Why is that OK to do to me? (That’s a rhetorical question – I know it’s not OK, which is why I didn’t go there.)

  2. They want to control your narrative, Mel. They want to find some way to silence you because they are afraid what you have to say might tarnish the way they want the world to see “adoption.”

    And you do the unthinkable, you refuse to be put back in your place as a good little “beemommie” should do. They don’t have the power over you, as they do with so many other First Mom’s, to keep you complacent and abiding by the rules that dictate you MUST love adoption and so they resort to disgusting acts like this to make you pay for not being what they want you to be.

    Much love, Mel. I stand proudly with you in everything you do to raise awareness about adoption.

    • I have done the unthinkable in the LDS church, haven’t I? No wonder so many of them dislike me. Just wait until I start writing about my current research about the history of single expectant mothers in the LDS church and how they were treated historically before social workers got a hold of them.

      • I expect your ostracization will be of historic proportions within the LDS church. No one likes their dirty little secrets exposed.

      • It might very well be, jimm. But that’s OK with me. I know where I stand with God and I am comfortable in the shadow of the cross.

  3. I know from the beginning I’ve been on the opposite side of this whole situation, and although I haven’t switched sides per say, I have to state here how very sorry I am for the actions that they have taken. It is NEVER okay to attack another for their beliefs and it is more than wrong to do what some of them have chosen to do.

    I know my apology won’t count for much but things never should have been taken as far as they have, and for that I am sorry. I am sorry for the bitterness that has been caused and the anger that’s been created. I sincerely hope actions are taken to stop the wrong doings that have taken place.

      • My husband was wondering the same thing, especially when some one called me an “internet bitch” in the comments of the original post.

      • Dear Mrs. M, I am so sorry what has been going on. I was just emailed a bunch of questions and this is out of hand. I would like to say I am sorry that people are treating you like this. I am getting in contact with some people on my end to end this. Nobody should be treated like this and yes what people are doing isn’t legal it’s stalking and is its very dangerous behavior . I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your family. I’m hoping this will end soon for all of you. Please anybody who is writing these messages to Mrs. M please stop now or you will be found and will turned in, this isn’t a game. Thank you all and have a better day. If you have any questions please go ahead and email me. Again i am so sorry this has happened i would of hoped everyone would have just moved on.

  4. Oh Melynda,
    It’s our culture. We cut off the dying, ugly part of the tree so the rest will flourish. We don’t want to be contaminated by the bad apples. In their eyes both you and I are the bad apples, the part of the tree to be disposed of. We are nothing more than birthmoms gone bad. It is too hard for them to hear our truth. If we say our side of our truth it could hurt their belief in adoption being a blessing and miracle. We are supposed to listen and understand their side but it is not supposd to be the other way around.

  5. I’m sorry, what? My mind can’t comprehend that GROWN WOMEN who claim to be so “happy” are trying to track down your daughter, her family and your bishop. To accomplish what, tattle on you?? Win?? While I don’t agree with the delivery of your original post (since someone that I love has been on the receiving end of a similar message :), that isn’t my business. You speak your mind and your truth and won’t ever stop. To have someone tell you that you can’t feel like that, that adoption is a “miracle and a blessing” in YOUR life is bullcrap.
    I adore you and it hurts my heart to see you attacked like this.

    • I was pretty harsh, I admit it, hence the public apology. One of these days I will learn to let off steam a little at a time instead of just let it simmer, eh?

      Thanks for your patience with me. I appreciate it a great deal.

    • P.S. My bishop already reads this blog. He is well aware of what is going on in my life and the things I struggle with. He is a good man and I am grateful to have him in my life.

      • I knew that if you felt an apology was necessary there would be one. Your fieriness is an attribute, don’t try to change that. What is that quote about well-behaved women? 😉 Keep fighting to change the world!

        Hi bishop! lol

  6. The more I think about this M, the more I think you should publish the comments in another post. If we truly want all sides to be heard, than doesn’t the dark side need to be heard? Even among non-Mormons this sort of thing happens a lot, it’s not fair, it’s not right, and it certainly is morally reprehensible to me. Ethically should any of us who have “come out” shy away from this side? If only to show the world the truth of how some women treat other women, should we not just face it and confront the darkness? I used to think it was ok to just let all of this sort of thing go, now I find myself believing that unless we confront it head on we lose a part of ourselves. We don’t have to answer comments of this nature, but I think we need others to know that this sort of “hatred” (and I think it is hatred) and bullying exists. Ws situation was along this same tack was it not? These sorts of people need to be exposed, and even though this is “only” the blogosphere, that exposure can start small, but in the end reach many. This is of course your choice-but I for one would like to read these comments and respond. I promise to behave!

    • I am considering it. I want to talk it over with my husband first – he is the single most decent person on the planet and has never steered me wrong on anything. If he agrees with me, then I most definitely do so.

      (And yes – if he had read that original post I wrote about JS prior to me publishing it, he would have cautioned me against posting it).

  7. So the “happy” beemommy strikes again. Only this time, she has her minions threaten you. Only in LDS Land and Adoptoworld are Mothers and adoptees punished for telling the truth.

    And what if they “tattle”? Honestly, the people they will “tattle” to are the same as them- brainwashed, clueless idiots who cannot think for themselves. They are afraid if they question one thing some temple tool says about adoption people will think they are “bad Mormons”.

    Stand tall, M. You have nothing to be ashamed about, you have done nothing wrong. Your daughter is smart enough to see through these tactics. And if the “beemommy” was so upset and adamant that no one talk smack about HER first born daughter & how she might feel, what sense does any of this make? Oh, that’s right, it makes NO sense- because these people are insane with the grief and shame forced upon them by their church.

    Misery loves company. These brainwashed women who still believe the garbage that LDS and the adoption industry shoved down their throats to get their babies WILL wake up one day. And even though what they are doing right now is insane, just plain nasty and unchristian, they will one day realize what they have done. Hopefully, people like us will still be there for them…but they don’t make it easy, do they?

    • “And if the “beemommy” was so upset and adamant that no one talk smack about HER first born daughter & how she might feel, what sense does any of this make? Oh, that’s right, it makes NO sense…”

      Bravo! You win the prize today, Linda. It makes no sense at all. At least I was able to own up to the origins of my original barrage of words and acknowledge it wasn’t really about JS, but about the system that taught her to think so little of herself. This stuff? This is simply…not normal.

      • It is NOT normal. It’s also NOT normal to have the adoption industry & churches make a woman think it is normal to give away their very own flesh and blood. It is not normal to be happy with losing your Mother, identity, family, heritage, culture, country or language.There is NOTHING normal about adoption.

        And when you do a very abnormal thing, either by your own choice, or because it was forced upon you, you either wake up & realize what was done to you and speak out against it, or you try to pull others down into your pit of despair, and force abnormal behavior on others.

        You are truthful, you are caring, and you were and are right.

    • I agree with Linda that the “tattling” only makes them look bad, but to me that seems much like the bullying and harassment they were decrying. It is sneaky and indirect. This has nothing to do with your daughter. LAME. It has everything to do with scare tactics and Groupthink. Pathetic. As I said before, I didn’t think you had anything to apologize for, but I will stand behind you if you think so. THEY have a lot of apologizing to do for involving your daughter.

      And yes, I am now bowing out for my weekend. I have my own family to tend to, and I am fortunate they have better manners than these rude, sneaky people you are contending with.

    • I was just reading a talk entitled Absolute Truth by President Spencer W. Kimball given in July of 1979. I came across this:

      How foolish would be the enslaved Israelite who was born in slavery and had never known anything but slavery to say to himself, “This is life. There is nothing better than this. Here I get my belly full daily and a fair space in which to sleep.”

      To us who were not born into slavery, we cannot fathom these statements but if we look deep into our lives we will see the correlations. I thought of the so called adoption fog that I have recently wandered out of and I think that you are right that many of them will one day realize what they have done.

  8. Oh good grief M. What horrendous behavior by supposed religious folks. You have handled yourself and this situation with honesty and transparence. As an adult adoptee, I feel so hopeful and encouraged by your committment to not being a good little beemommie. In standing up for yourself, and by speaking the truth despite what your fellow church members might think, you are also giving strength to your daughter.

    And I thought my people, the Catholics, were a tough crowd when it comes to adoption. Sheesh.

  9. Mel,

    I think it all boils down to the very simple fact of feelings. Your first blog might have been harsh and angry but that was because you were hurting for that little girl at the thought of her someday reading such a thing. Who could blame you for that?

    And then your apology because you have a mother’s heart – or at least that’s what I think. You’ve just been there yourself not too long ago – with a new baby. And here was “j” with her baby and pleading for it all to stop because she had been in tears the night before and you felt that – as a mother yourself. And so you did, AGAIN, what you thought was the right thing to do.

    But these women, making these threats against you, those are dark, insecure feelings. They aren’t coming from the heart, they are coming from vengeance, from a completely opposite place than the “love” they claim is in adoption.

    There is good and honor, which I have seen from you since this started. You’ve even stood up to admit where you allowed feelings about the industry and what they do to women play a part in your response. And you stood up to make a change for a little girl who will probably never know what you did for her. You apologized and removed the post for a new mother with a baby to care for.

    Unfortunately, that hasn’t changed the hearts of those threatening you now. And you know, when that is the situation, you owe them no more of your heart.

  10. Hey Melynda. I read your previous posts and the comments.
    I understand why you apologised to her regarding the tone however what you said, perhaps in a different way, needed to be said, There was such little thought for the little girl at the middle of this that anyone with a rational and logical mind would/should have been just as outraged.

    The fact she still has her attack dogs circling really just proves your first post hit on some key issues. I am sorry you are being so mercilessly bombarded with crap that really is not much to do about what you said but rather the fact it was challenging something they don’t want to face

    I am not in a ‘lovey-dovey-lets-all-be-friends’ type of mood today so I may not appear as gracious about this as perhaps I should. However, I feel if they were all happy with where they were at in themselves, they wouldn’t need to be continuing this on and coming after you as if this were the Salem witch trials all over again.

    Chin up love, this falls on them now. You did the right thing by publically apologising to her for hurting her but nothing like a good dose of the truth to bring out the real attitudes in people.

    Much love xxx

  11. I think you should publish their emails to you, along with their ip addies. Let the bishops (and THEIR mothers) see how THEY are behaving. That would be awesome.

      • I like to highlight some of the nastiest comments I receive, one time I bitch-slapped this woman with janky teeth and it seems the woman’s husband left a message when he was apparently very drunk that was violent, sexual,inarticulate and misspelled calling me stupid. lol, the quality of life of some people.

        Raising adoptee daughters like me. People wonder why we get outraged. A friend of mine in college used to make stickers that said, “If you aren’t outraged you are not paying attention” very applicable to adoption. Especially the harm it does to the child. The irony that is always the ones claiming to be happy that display unhinged behavior.

        Your face may be grinning but I can see your psycho hanging out in the back.

  12. whoever of my friends read this and are doing this i did not ask anyone to do anything please stop and leave Melynda alone. we resolved it between us leave her, her friends, family, and acquaintances alone. Thanks, Jessa

    Melynda i will post this on my facebook as well

      • oh one more thing, just so you know i truly did appreciate your apology. i just have been really busy with my babe i haven’t gotten a chance. i seriously was crying (from happiness) when you sent me the apology. i really did appreciate it in a huge way….and don’t tell anyone because it might shake the whole world up if they knew…but i decided i liked you. lol.

        -Have a good weekend…..check your email 🙂


  13. There are more people praying for you than you know, Melynda.

    Just wondering in all your research and blogging if you follow Denver Snuffer. He has an interesting series talking about church historian Marlin Jensen and the conundrums around how to portray the history of the church in a way that is both faith-promoting and accurate, since those often end up being dichotomous.

  14. Oh how cute, and don’t mind me but someone who is capable of doing what she was doing isn’t going to change that quickly. I have had some words for people who harm adoptees. There have even been instances where I could reach out and “tell on them” to they people they love in a very upsetting way.

    Why would I want to involve myself in something like that though? The thought both shocks me and frightens me for the individual who thinks that is a reasonable action. What their spirits must be like, it is like to have such a small grasp of wholeness or connection to other people.

    I want to write warning parables about little girls and snakes and fields and sayings about friends like these ellipsis. But I have a feeling you know those ones.

  15. P.S. Don’t fear judgment from me either I have the seemingly rare capacity to not judge other people for who they choose to be friends with. When I am someone’s friend, I don’t think that means I am in control of their choices and that my personal ego should be at the forefront of their choices.

  16. Dear Mrs. M I have sent a message to anyone that could be associated in this situation and I have educated them in how serious this situation is more than just bulling you through the internet but stalking and how dangerous these actions are and what the law will do if they continue these un justifiable actions. Again I am so sorry this has gone this far and I hope by educating some of the individuals who have contacted you or your family will stop. Thank you again and I hope you have a better day.

    • Dear Mary, Thank you for your kindness but I do not have a personal opinion on either side. I am sticking being a professional and trying to make sure this doesn’t happen to Mrs. M or Mrs. J. This has been the second time this week that I’ve had individuals contacting me about situations and I’m just in forensics. But whatever I can do to try to keep the peace and educate. Thank you and have a nice evening.

      • Can I pass your email along to Ws? As she has said, the pack of women that went after her for speaking out against infant adoption practices in the US didn’t just threaten, they followed through and contacted the agency and the adoptive parents to “tattle” on her. I personally think she has an actionable case.

      • Dear Mrs. M, Yes if anyone needs my email who needs me to research or to find people who can help them if they feel they are being cyber bullied or stalked i would love to help them. No body deserves to be treated in an ill manner. Thank you.

  17. Ozzie, would you please send me a private message? Check out my first post with the link in it. This actually happened to me, it was not just a threat….they did it, contacted my agency who in turn contacted my son’s APs. Looking forward to hearing from you after you have a chance to check out the link. Thanks for your time in advance.

    • Dear Ms WS, i am looking into your link as we speak and i will find some resources for you. I will send you a private message as well. I am very sorry this has happened to you. I will do everything in my power to make sure everybody feels safe either it being you, Mrs. M and Mrs. J Thank you all i will keep you update.

  18. This whole thing is disappointing. The people involved in this bullying and harassing should be ashamed of themselves. Their crazy is indeed showing.
    Haters gonna hate I guess but this goes deeper. This is about people who claim to be religious behaving like animals and I wouldn’t call them wolves, I’d say they are acting like rats.
    This should not be happening.

    • Since when would “religious” mean nice, or good, or trustworthy? People are still abducted, murdered, mutilated and tortured by religious people. Religion means that you are sort of tied to something more than human, but that something does not have to be good.

  19. First of all, I just wanted to say you are one of my favourite bloggers 🙂

    I’ve just seen your comment to J as the topic of a recent post by another blogger – I’m sorry it is dragging out like this.

    I’m sorry but I did have to smile at this by Jeanette – “We are nothing more than birthmoms gone bad.”

    I can just picture all the on-line first moms I know marching on Washington chanting “We’re sad, we’re mad – we are birthmoms gone bad!”.

    • And I am sure they failed to mention the lengthy apology I have issued in their blog post or the fact that Jessalynn and I have worked things out in private as well.


      “We’re sad, we’re mad – we are birthmoms gone bad!”.

      Positively brilliant. I keep asking people, “Wouldn’t YOU be mad if you had been treated like this for the past 19 years?”

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