Dear Ms. Feverfew –

Steve Jobs passed away today. FoxNews:  CNN: MSNBC

I wonder, did his father Abdulfattah John Jandali ever get to meet him or was he denied that opportunity? Will he be invited to the funeral? He is a father, an old man who will mourn for the son he has lost a second time.  I hope compassion was extended to him in the late hours of Steve Jobs life, but I don’t hold out hope that it was. First fathers aren’t real fathers after all, just like first mothers are not considered to be real mothers, either.

This whole thing makes my heart ache for first parents across the world.

Will anyone bother to tell me if you die?

Much love,


Updated October 7, 2011: It appears that Steve never reached out to his natural father and passed without ever allowing a meeting. A tragedy for all involved.

7 thoughts on “

  1. I so well remember when my mother died.I was informed far too late to get to the funeral and it was obviously done purposely.Her sister-in-law who detested me although we had never met, sent me a photo of her grave whcih arrived on Christmas Eve.Kind!
    RIP Steve Jobs.

    • Oh Von, how terrible!!!!

      Why do we humans inflict such pain on each other? Is it really so hard to be compassionate, to care for the tender feelings of a child towards their parent? I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but that behavior towards you was absolutely atrocious and w.r.o.n.g.


  2. Depressing thoughts. I sometimes wonder if my mother were to die while I was back in Canada, would my siblings even have the decency to tell me?
    On another note, Jobs’ death was kind of shocking, to say the least. I think it was announced a few months ago he was having heart problems, but this sudden death was just… wow. 😦

    • Yes, very depressing thoughts. I believe that these are difficult waters that both first families AND adoptees have to wade through at some point. For some reason, Steve Jobs’ death has really hit me hard as a first mother.

      I would hope that every family would have the moral decency to do the right thing and inform the other in the case of a death, but as Von so poignantly shared, that is not always the case. 😦


  3. Melynda:

    I too have lived in fear for the past 23 years that if something happened to my son that no one (the agency, his parents etc.) would tell me. For years I have scanned our local paper’s obituaries just to make sure….Although we are in a pseudo reunion now, I still don’t know if anyone would tell me. So, I check the obits everyday and probably always will until or if he and I are reacquainted in person and can actually build a real relationship with regular contact. I too hope that ALL of Jobs’ family will have the opportunity to say good-bye to him.


    • Me too! I know others might find it creepy, but I have a google alert set up so if she were to die, I would at least know about it via google. I guess it is because my older sister died at such a young age that I worry about these things. I know we will most likely all grow old and wrinkled before any of us pass away, but still…

  4. “This whole thing makes my heart ache for first parents across the world.”
    Me too…

    “Will anyone bother to tell me if you die?”
    My worries also…

    So very sad ~ Rest In Peace Steve. Prayers to both of his mothers and both of his fathers, everyone in his entire family.

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