Really? I Mean, REALLY?????

When you return to campus this fall, there will be a new student I hope and pray you never have to meet.

He happens to be my ex-husband (adopter of two womb-fresh infant girls himself). He also happens to be starting a PhD program in the same department in which you are majoring. Which means he will most likely be teaching some of the undergraduate courses in the department. Which means you are likely to run into him.

Which means moment he lays eyes on you, he will know you for exactly who you are – my daughter.

We are cut from the same cloth, you and I. We are a mother and daughter who look so much like each other we could have been twins, right down to the side on which we part our hair to the freckle in the hollow of our cheek and our “Elvis eye” when we smile. It is uncanny how much we look like each other. Well, only uncanny in the upside-down inside-out world of adoption. In real life, no one would find anything strange or unsettling about how much we resemble each other. However, the “miracle and blessing” of adoption has rendered our similarities “weird”, “strange,” and “kind of freaky.”

But back to my ex-husband. He knows your name. At least at one point he did. I don’t know if he remembers it now or not. It’s possible he has forgotten but it is also just as possible he hasn’t. I have no idea what will come of this latest turn of events. Possibly nothing, but just in case some dude in the PhD program starts chatting you up, you can at least be forewarned.

Much love,


P.S. This also leaves me with the questions, “Should I say anything to the ex about you being in the same department? Should I tell him to please leave you alone if he runs into you? Should I just not say anything to him? Dear God, where is the manual for this!!!????”

8 thoughts on “Really? I Mean, REALLY?????

  1. Oh, my….no manual for any of this weirdness, girl. I don’t know what to tell you. Ugh…just ugh…and the fact he is an adopter makes it a million times worse. Geeze…..

  2. I keep asking myself, “Can this get any weirder?” and then it does. Maybe I should stop asking, eh?

    It does seem to be a lot worse because he is an adopter of tiny infants (thanks, LDSFS!!!). I can only imagine the conversation they might have and the horrible things he will say about me. *sigh* Oh well. My life seems stranger than fiction some times.

  3. You have got to be freaking kidding me! Yuck! What else, really can this “gift” give you? Makes me all gaggy for you and her.

    Seriously, you should write a book.

    • Pretty silly, isn’t it Jen? I still can’t believe it. It took me a few weeks to really process the whole thing when he told me last month. I mean, what is the likelihood???? Of all the stupid universities that offer a PhD in that field, he has to pick THAT ONE?

      Sometimes I wonder if the universe/God is sending me some kind of message….

  4. Does he know that he may run into her? If your not on good terms with him then I wouldn’t say anything because if he feels like he can get to you in anyway then more the reason to talk to her.
    My daughter and I look very much alike too. I don’t know if I would say as much or close as you mentioned but we do look quite a bit alike. My ex husband friended her on FB and sometimes he tries to comment on her stuff and it makes my blood boil, but I know if he knows how I feel that will just fuel his interest so I don’t say anything and he hasn’t been talking to her too much that I have noticed.

    • Cristy!!! Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I *knew* I wasn’t the only person to have been given this particular adoption “gift.” I had figured it would probably be best if I don’t say anything to him. I don’t think he would do anything, but his wife….now that’s another matter entirely. She hasn’t been able to have children of her own and they have adopted two infant girls. Needless to say, she HATES me, primarily because I can have children and she can’t. And when I say HATE, I really mean it in the most white hot, passionate, over the top crazy kind of hate too.

      Thanks again for the advice. It will be interesting to see how this plays out over the next three or so years.

  5. I know you’ve tried to contact her once and she didn’t respond, but I really think you might should try to warn her about this, being the same department and all. Especially since he certainly isn’t the best advocate for you…he on the other hand, I wouldn’t tell.

  6. That is definitely a coincidence for the weirdness books. Oh, adoption. How difficult, and painful, to be stuck in this predicament of wondering what to do, if anything. I tend to agree with Emily about warning your daughter, but then again, it’s a risk. I don’t know. I do know that I love you. Hugs.

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