Remember Jayci, that girl who is pregnant with Brandon Davies’ son and is planning to relinquish him for adoption? Remember her happy-happy joy-joy adoption blog?
It’s gone now. Vanished into thin air.
Of course this is how it ends.
When too much TRUTH is told about the toll adoption takes on first mothers and adoptees, the LDS adoption community circles the wagons and cuts off the “invaders.” I wouldn’t be surprised if Jayci goes into seclusion or hiding of some sort until this dirty deed has been done, the paper work signed and filed with the county and state. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t hear nary a word from her again until her son is “safely” ensconced in the arms of another woman, a woman who is as foreign to him as you or I. A woman who doesn’t smell right, doesn’t sound right, doesn’t move right – isn’t right to his tiny newborn brain and heart.
I have known it to happen before with single expectant mothers in the LDS church who are being educated by others about the TRUE cost adoption will extract from them, their parented children, their relationships, and most importantly, their relinquished child.
Heaven forbid the TRUTH be told.
I was going to leave a response to someone named “Red Hot” over on Jayci’s blog who started in with the “bitter birth mother/angry adoptee” garbage but while I was typing it in, the blog *poof* disappeared. I guess I will post it here instead, since it seems like the wagons have been circled. When that happens, there is no hope of that young mother escaping with her heart and her motherhood intact.
And thus the “bitter” moniker slinging begins. *sigh*
Thanks, Red Hot. Jayci had better get used to being called bitter by the likes of people such as yourself. The moment she starts to speak the Truth about the pain caused by cutting off generations of her descendants for time and all eternity (via adoption and the sealing ordinance), it will be too late for her to do anything about it. It’s nice to know you will be there to call her bitter. While you are at it, be sure to remind her that no one held a gun to her head and made her sign the papers, that *she* made the decision and therefore has no right to feel the immense grief that will surely come. That is *very* helpful to a first mother who is hurting.
According to LDS theology and practice, every single one of my descendants that come through my daughter I placed for adoption are lost to me and my family. FOREVER. That’s quite the reward for such a “loving” decision, isn’t it? Even a murderer has the chance of pardon or reprieve. A first mother? It is a life sentence and in the LDS church, it is an eternal one too. There is no chance at redemption, no chance to ever reclaim a rightful inheritance. It is lost to both me and my daughter and our descendants for time and all eternity. Sit with that for a while and then get back with me about how “loving” adoption is for the adoptee or first mothers.
Once Jayci signs those papers and her son is sealed to another family, she is a persona non grata for ETERNITY in the lives of her descendants who come through her son. She needs to think very carefully about what this means to her, her parents, her future children, and most importantly, to her son. She is willfully and intentionally cutting her son off (and all future descendants) from his rightful heritage. All in the name of love, of course.
The potential adoptive couple might be the nicest, most loving, most incredible people on the planet but when it comes right down to it, in the eyes of the law Jayci will not matter. In the eyes of the LDS theology and eternal family units, Jayci will not matter.
It doesn’t matter how many text messages they exchange or how many times they have Jayci over for dinner, it will not erase those simple truths from Jayci’s life or her son’s life. It doesn’t not matter how many “birth mother” bracelets, blankets, or monthly packages they send Jayci, she will reduced to nothing more than a walking uterus and a birth vessel in the eyes of California state law and by the doctrine of the LDS church. You may think that adoption is “so different” nowadays, but the Truth is Jayci will still go home without her son and her son will still be raised by virtual strangers who can at ANY moment cut Jayci off from his life. For ANY reason. That is the Truth, as hard as it might be for some to hear.
Red Hot, *until and unless you have walked the path of a first mother* for nearly 20 years, have NO RIGHT to call those who have, “bitter.” We speak TRUTH and sometimes TRUTH is a hard thing (1 Ne 16:2), a bitter pill to swallow.
If there is bitterness detected, perhaps it is bitterness in your own moral conscious and not in the hearts of first mothers who made a “loving” decision that shattered her family relationships FOR ETERNITY. Perhaps our Truth is a hard thing to you because you know in your heart we are speaking with the voice of wisdom and the authority of experience. Perhaps you know in your heart that babies and their mothers deserve to be together whenever possible, regardless of marital or financial status. (Ahem… did anyone else listen to Elder Cook’s talk in conference this last April???? You know, the one where he says that bit about single mothers who are single *for any reason*?)
Bitterness? No. Broken hearts? Yes. Sadness? Yes. Wondering why no one had the courage or willingness to tell me the TRUTH about adoption and its affect on my life, my relationships, my parented children, and most importantly on my daughter? Yes. But bitter is certainly something I am not, thankyouverymuch.
Myself, and many of the other first mothers who have posted comments here only want Jayci to be fairly warned of the eternal implications of what she is about to do. We understand little of what we say will be taken to heart but at least she won’t be able to say, “No one told me differently.” These words will stand as a witness she was told differently and chose to go ahead with her “adoption plan” anyway.
That being said, we will be here to help her pick up the pieces in 6-8 years when the adoption anesthesia starts to wear off.