Dear Ms. Feverfew –
There is an adoptee’s blog that I read and a few months ago she asked the question,
“So how do we deal with reality? And how, when there is an unrequited interest in reunion, do we achieve a maintained sense of hope? How do we keep from falling into a pit of hopelessness when it would be so easy to focus on everything that did not happen according to plan in your reunion?” ~ Joanna, who blogs at “fighting for nothing“
See…it isn’t just me that struggles with maintaining hope when “there is an unrequited interest in reunion.”
Unrequited interest. What a perfect phrase to completely sum up where we stand in our non-reunion reunion. I like it because it doesn’t close the door for future contact but it accurately portrays our reality as it is now.
How do I keep from falling into that pit of hopelessness? To be honest, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I will be walking along my daily path of life and fall headlong into it. Fortunately, my true love is willing to dive into the mire and fetch me out of it (much like that scene from The Princess Bride were Westley dives into the Lightning Sand in the Fire Swamp to rescue Buttercup). My husband is such a patient man and is willing to do difficult and dangerous things to secure my happiness and well-being, including putting up with an overly emotional, irrational version of me that never seems to stop weeping.
Other times I can read the signs and chart a different course. When I know there are dangerous waters ahead, I keep myself ridiculously busy and just try to to live. During my busy-ness of these time periods, I find myself cleaning, organizing, sorting, and sifting through things, almost as if to say, “I can’t control my non-reunion, but I can control my surroundings.”
Let’s just say my house is getting very, very, very organized this week.