Dear Ms. Feverfew,
Over on Facebook (oh you evilness of evilness, you waster of precious time, you Facebook!!!) there’s a group just for “birthmom buds.” Some potential adoptive mother posted this question on the wall:
I have a question for birthmoms out there. I want to get a “birth day” gift for our bm when she delivers. We thought of putting together a gift basket of some things but wanted something sentimental too. Any ideas? ~ Gabrielle
Ooo! I have an idea. How about not calling her a “bm” for starters? Nothing makes a mother feel like a big fat pile of poop more than being called one!!! And what does a “bm” deliver, after all? Now I know an expectant mother delivers a baby but I am still confus-ed as to what a “bm” delivers. A smaller pile of poop?
Another thing – you might want to possibly give your “bm” the gift of not claiming ownership, as in calling her “our bm.” How about “the mother of the child we are hoping to adopt” or something like that. Something more humanizing and more humane than “our bm.”
Even better, how about a basket full of parenting books and resources, some new fluffy receiving blankets, a check for oh, say, half the funds you have just shelled out to adopt her baby, and a huge hug as you whisper in her ear, you can do this – you are and can continue to be a good mother. Now that would be the greatest gift of all for “your bm” on her “birth day.”
Just a few thoughts on this lovely gray Friday in February.