Setting the Trap

So…well…my Bishop wants me to meet with a counselor from LDSFS because according to this therapist, “things are so much different now” than they were “back then.” (Tell that to Alyssa and other young mothers just like her, Brother LDSFS therapist dude).

Laying a trap

This is what my intuition is telling me.

It is a trap.

Not one being set by my Bishop – he is too new and unawares of the subtle (and not so subtle) coersive tactics of LDSFS. It feels like a trap being set by the counselor, the one encouraging my Bishop to have me come in so we can “talk.”

The last thing I need right now is to be “talked to” by some self-righteous, all-knowing adoption broker thinly disguised as a “therapist” or “counselor.”  The absolute last thing I need is to have yet another representative of my church tell me that I am wrong, that my feelings don’t really exist because research says they shouldn’t, and that there must be something wrong in my life since I am still grieve losing you to the gaping jaws of adoption.

I really don’t have the fight in me right now to confront this therapist adoption broker’s erroneous belief about how “it’s all about love” and that I didn’t “give her up, I gave her more.”

That’s where I am tonight…tired and not willing to engage in the argument that is certain to ensue if I were to make the appointment with this particular individual.Plus, getting “counseling” from LDSFS almost feels like consorting with the enemy…


7 thoughts on “Setting the Trap

    • Alas, Mei-Ling, I am ashamed to admit the Harry Potter phenomena is one that seems to have passed by my household. Not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the fact that we are all a bunch of history buffs around these parts. We spend waaaaaaaay too much time reading histories, biographies, autobiographies, historical fiction – that kind of stuff.

      So, if you wouldn’t mind…would you care to educated a non-Harry Potter reader about the connection? (blush – yes it is true, I have only read two of the books).

    • Thanks, Amanda. They should be, but I know they won’t and that is why I just don’t want to go meet with this dude. *sigh* My mom thinks I should put on my pointy-headed hat and treat a meeting with this person like an academic conference presentation where I am discussing the other side of a position. I could do that but I am afraid my emotional first-mother side will take over and it will descend into a shout fest. I am so not in the mood for a shout fest over this issue right now, you know?


  1. LOL, Mei-Ling!

    I always laugh when I read or hear, “things are so much different now than they were “back then”, or “It’s not the same old adoption!”

    Ummm, No they are not, and yes it is. Babies have first parents. They lose their first parents to stranger parents, because the first parents are young, unmarried, or not as wealthy as the new stranger parents. Babies and their first parents will have unresolved grief their entire lives. Paps will say it is “God’s plan” that they adopt, and brokers and church elders will tell first parents they will forget, move on, and that it is what is best for the baby. Yup, it’s the same OLD adoption.

    They will tell you that “open adoptions” exist now. Sorry, no dice. WE know the truth about “open adoptions’. The only adoption a bishop should condone is adoption through foster care, where there is no hope of reunification between a child and his first family.

    • Exactly, Linda.

      As I have thought about it since last night, I guess there is one thing that has changed: The tactics used by adoption agencies. They are far more subtle and “glossy” now than they were 20-30 years ago. Now instead of shaming a single expectant parent into relinquishing their child, they have to use carefully crafted flattery and manipulative statements backed by years of research (funded by adoption agencies and yes, our tax dollars) to convince expectant mothers they aren’t enough, won’t ever be enough, and someone else deserves to raise their baby.

      And don’t even get me started about LDSFS practice of pre-birth matching and pushing for open adoptions. That makes my head pop off and spin around three ways ’til Sunday.

      • You are correct. The coercion used now is slick. It’s glossy, pretty and geared towards the social media savvy teen. In my opinion, it is just as dangerous as the forceful tactics used in the “old days”.

        If it looks like a duck……it’s someone who is trying to get a baby.

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