Timing is Everything, So They Say

Dear Ms. Feverfew –

I have come to the firm conclusion that since you are an adult and I am an adult that we – you and I – can strike up a relationship on our own terms without needing to go through your aparents. Eventually, I think I will send you a message via your FB account,  a simple “I am here for you when you are ready, willing to answer your questions (even the hard ones), & this is where you can find me” kind of message. Just something to let you know that you will find no closed doors when you are finally ready to learn about your Chapter One.

Now I just have to figure out the timing of it all. You just started your first semester of college. Do I wait until half way through the semester to send the message? Or will that totally disrupt your mid-term exams? Do I wait until a few weeks after mid-terms? That will put it closer to Thanksgiving – will that screw up your holidays? How about when you get back from Thanksgiving? Or is that too close to finals? How about the beginning of the semester in January? Or will that totally screw up that semester? Do I wait until Spring Break? Next summer? After graduation in four years?

Hmm…I have a feeling that from an adopted person’s perspective, there is no “perfect time” to get one of those kinds of messages. Just a “before” and an “after.”

Much love,


6 thoughts on “Timing is Everything, So They Say

    • Mary – I know. That’s how I am feeling about it – sooner than later. I mean really, there isn’t going to be a “good” time. Even if she chooses not to contact me for whatever length of time, at least she will know that when she is ready, I won’t turn her away. That has got to be worth something, right?


  1. I think you’re absolutely right…there IS no perfect time/way to get one of those messages (having gotten one myself via Myspace).

    But if you say it just as you wrote above, I think it can really open up the lines of communication.

    Love you sweet girl ❤

    • Thanks Christina – I was hoping you would chime in. Would it be too much for you to read over my message before I send it & give me your honest opinion? I can imagine it might be a tough thing to read, but I really value your opinion and perspective.


  2. Wow- I just found your blog. I am furious with your daughter’s adopters. How DARE they interfere?

    I would have killed to have contact with my Mother.

    Do it. Now.


    • Linda – Thanks for stopping by. After a curious turn of events today, I went ahead and did just what others have urged me to do and contacted her via FB. It was a simple message – not gory details or wallowing in the past. Just a reassurance she has never been far from my thoughts and that when she is ready, she has the information she needs to find me. I hope it struck the right balance between being warm enough but not over-bearing or intrusive. Only time will tell.


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